First, you go to
the bazaar. Do this as early in the day
as possible. You can’t escape breathing
the dust, but you can avoid the worst of the heat. Cram into a marshrutka that would
comfortably seat ten but uncomfortably seats sixteen. Sweat on your neighbor(s) for twenty minutes,
give or take.
You’ve
arrived! Cross the street to get to the
fabric section, and do your best to not get hit by a car.
Ok, now you enter
the labyrinth and start browsing, feeling like you’re in a box of crayons. You move slowly at first and then get sucked
into the tornado of patterns, hues, and textures. When you see stalls displaying predominantly
velvet material, rush past—unless, of course, you’re either thinking of the
cold months in the distant future that may never come or feeling the need to
wear a furnace. Your call.
It’s time to start
getting serious. You’ve got a goal here,
after all. Look for fabrics that have
only one motif. Cheetah print
interspersed with shimmery purple roses may work on some people, but not on
you. Find a fabric with a simple but
pretty pattern. Decide that the color
might be a little much for you, and convince yourself that you shouldn’t buy
the first thing you see. Really, you can
always go back and find it later, if you want to. Now turn the corner and keep looking. Realize that you have no idea where you
started and that you will never see that fabric again, not even in the end of
days. It’s in The Void now.
You’re doing great! A few minutes later a dark-colored fabric
with a pink and green design catches your eye.
You’ve got some friends with you and take a poll. They all agree! It looks great! Buy it! Strut away feeling proud of yourself and your
accomplishments.
You planned to get
two new kurtas, so you keep looking.
You’re feeling really good about your sensible and subdued selection, so
when you notice a print that’s a little busier than you’d normally choose, you
stop to think about it anyway. It’s a
pretty color, and the whirling peacock-inspired print isn’t so bad. You decide to go for it! Live a little! Now ask the man perched on top of the pile of
fabrics to cut you three meters of that one over there. Yeah, that one. Oh, it comes with rhinestones or
without? Hell, you’re already being
bold. Go all in! Sure, rhinestones aren’t exactly your thing,
but, “Hey, ‘when in Rome,’ am I right?”
You’re not right.
This is the part
where you realize you’ve made the worst decision of your entire life. Stop your friends and ask their
opinions. Make them console you. Be sure to keep bringing it up throughout the
day, and preferably for a few days after that, too. When the earth is back on its axis, start
moving again. Your friends are still
shopping. Keep up.
Later, when
everyone is just about ready to leave, notice a rich, dark green fabric with a delicate
design. Make everyone stop and wait for
you while you stare at it. As you’re contemplating
its beauty, the woman you didn’t notice in the back of the stall calls out to
you: “Can I help you?”
“Oh, I was just
looking at this fabric right here.”
She stands up and
comes over to help you, the valuable paying customer that you are. “Which one?”
“This one right
here.”
She’s
listening. Excellent.
“See, I bought this
one earlier…” Take out the twinkling
material and show her. Remember, this is
the greatest tragedy that has ever befallen you. You should feel free to share this
information with strangers. “…And I’m just not sure about it. This one, though, is beautiful. I love it.”
“Well,” she begins,
“the one you already have is for someone your age. This one, here, is for an old woman.”
“Oh.”
Thank her for her
help and honesty, and then be on your way.
It’s time for you to leave this place.
Step 1: Complete!
Now you’re ready for Step 2: Find
a Tailor.
Back to it—finding
a tailor is actually not very hard to do.
Every female in Dushanbe has a tailor.
You, however, can’t remember where exactly the tailor you went to last
year is. You need to ask your current
host, but go ahead and put it off for a couple days. Feel really awkward about interrupting your
host family’s lives to ask a member to take time out of her schedule to cater
to your needs. Finally, bring it up when
you’re feeling uncharacteristically competent in your language skills and role
in the household. Rave about your host
mom/sister-in-law/unclear relation’s beautiful kurta. The colors!
The pattern! The glory! And, most importantly, be really proud of
your subtlety. Now bring up the fact
that you bought fabric last weekend and don’t know what to do with it. Again, here’s another good time to talk about
your misfortune and the gleaming rhinestones.
Moments later, you’re standing in the middle of a room littered with
sewing paraphernalia while a stranger measures your shoulders. Boom!
You now have a tailor.
See, isn’t Step 2
easy? Now all you need to do is pick up
the creations a week or so later. Look
at that! Two new outfits better suited
to the ever-increasing summer heat than your usual jeans and t-shirt ensemble.
